Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
