You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
