He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
