i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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