He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
