hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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