I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
