At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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