he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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