It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
