so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
