She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
