...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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