I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
