jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I have already put on my inside pants.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
