This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize