Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
