bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
