next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
