her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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