Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
