I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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