The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
