I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
