so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
