He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
