We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
