We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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