I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
