im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
