whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
