i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I am midnight drunk by noon
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
