you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
