I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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