i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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