4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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