His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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