what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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