you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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