i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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