I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He passed out mid-signature
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Shame is for Republicans.
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