Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
