i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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