The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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