It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
