I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
