1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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