So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
