Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
