google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
