I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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