The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
