and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
