ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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