She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
