Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
