a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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