Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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