i just wanna soil my oats bro
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
