Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
