Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
