Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Please, let me fuck your mom
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
