For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
