My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
