My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
