how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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