Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
