I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize