Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
