now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
false alarm, still single
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
