does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize