My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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