Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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