yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
