I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
