I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
