Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
