I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
