That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
