I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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