home. puking in laundry basket.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
