My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So much Jack, so little girl.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
