it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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