dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i love accidental penises.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
