Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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