I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
