Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
