I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
