Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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