For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize