It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
