dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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