I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
