I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
