How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
