Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
