theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
