White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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